“Have you ever….?” is a popular question to start a conversation. It can lead to sharing experiences or to getting information.
Imagine you want to talk about your last vacation. You could say, “I went to Spain last month,” but it’s a bit direct and maybe the listener just goes, “Oh.” The listener may also think, “What a showoff! I’m stuck here working all the time and he went to Spain.” If you start your conversation with “Have you been to Spain?” you are asking about the listener first. It is more likely to lead to a nice conversation. If they say ‘yes’, you can compare your Spain stories. If they say ‘no’, you can tell them about your trip.
Imagine you want to find out about Spain because you want to visit. You could say, “I want to go to Spain. What do you know about Spain?” but a better way is to ask, “Have you been to Spain?” If they have been they can tell you about their experience. If not, maybe they know someone who has and can tell you about that. Either way, they are the focus of the conversation.
Here’s an example of a question someone asked me a few years ago:
“Have you ever been on a dangerous bus or train trip?”
“Yes, a few times.”
“Really? Where were you?”
“In China. I took a bus from a city up into the Tibetan Highlands. It was so dangerous tourists could only take the bus if they bought special insurance!”
“Wow! Why was it so dangerous?”
“Well, the road went along a cliff by the side of a river. The road wasn’t very wide and in some places landslides had broken the road. On the trip we saw three buses and two trucks which had fallen off the road into the river. Two times the road was so narrow and broken that we had to get off the bus and the driver only took the bus through the narrow section. He actually had the door open so he could jump out if the bus fell down the cliff.”
“Really? I took a bus in Peru when I went to Machu Picchu. It wasn’t as dangerous as that, but it wasn’t fun. The bus was full of people, locals and tourists, and there was a lot of stuff on the roof. A few passengers were even sitting on the roof. The driver was crazy and drove far too fast – I was terrified we were going to crash! And then the bus got a puncture. We all had to get off and wait 30 minutes while the driver changed the wheel. And when we got back on the bus, someone took my seat so I had to stand for 4 hours! I was so tired!”
“Oh yeah? That reminds me of the time I rode on the back of a truck in Indonesia. I was on Flores island and there weren’t any buses. Everyone climbed on the back of a truck. There were sacks of coconuts and rice and vegetables and stuff and six pigs in the back of the truck plus 10 passengers! I spent 4 hours sitting on a sack of onions with a pig next to me.”
“You’ve been to Indonesia? Me too! I went there ……….”
And so we kept talking. The person I was talking to wanted to tell me their bus story, but we could both enjoy telling travel stories.
So, the next time you want to start a conversation with someone, why not try a “Have you ….?” question?
